Speaker

Wendy Behary LCSW

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Date & Time

November 9, 2023 - 11am - 1pm ET

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Type

Virtual (Zoom Video)

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Brief Overview 

Covert narcissism is a subtle and often overlooked form of narcissistic personality disorder that can be challenging to detect because it hides in plain sight – beneath the surface.  Unlike their overt counterparts, covert narcissists do not display grandiose and attention-seeking behaviors that readily reveal their narcissistic tendencies. Instead, they might present themselves as modest, self-effacing, and even insecure, making it more difficult to recognize the narcissistic traits.

One of the chief features of covert narcissism is a strong need for admiration and validation, much like overt narcissists but in more covert and subtle ways. They may even appear modest, downplay their accomplishments, or constantly claim that they are the victim, making it seem as if they lack self-confidence. This facade of humility can make them come across as sensitive and caring individuals, which further obscures the narcissistic tendencies. 
Passive-aggression, blaming and emotionally manipulating others (in the spirit of preserving their sense of righteousness), lack of accountability, and the need for constant reassurance, are among the most challenging behaviors.  They may use their “No one appreciates me...  I am the victim…” messages to gain sympathy and control over those around them. They maintain a facade of innocence and humility as a way of achieving attention and admiration, showing up as the “good guy”. Their problematic behaviors become evident, mostly to their partners, over time. The effect on partners often includes an overall diminished sense of self.

The thoughtful conceptual framework and emotional needs-meeting approach of Schema Therapy, provides the skills for therapists to sturdy themselves, assess for adequate leverage, and facilitate a process for identifying and healing the underlying insecurities of the covert narcissist (sustained from early trauma, high degrees of enmeshment, and attachment ruptures – more severe than that of grandiose types). This, along with addressing and adapting long standing maladaptive coping modes, is at the heart of the challenging work.  Treatment for partners includes assessment for underlying core issues of subjugation and self-sacrifice, as well as other activated schemas and coping modes that can intensify self-diminishment when living with a covert narcissist.

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Learning objectives include
 

1. conceptualize covert narcissism and formulate a treatment plan in schema terms

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2. identify patterns and activating conditions associated with covert narcissism.

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3. link current problems and address unmet emotional needs – with the covert narcissist and when working with the partner of a covert narcissist

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4. help clients let go of self-defeating life patterns and begin to develop adaptive responses.

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5. address triggering conditions in the therapy relationship and fortify strategies for maintaining a sturdy and healthy adult mode.

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6. learn to apply some of the basic schema therapy strategies for covert narcissism and for partners of covert narcissists, including: quieting and converting inner critic modes, mode dialogues, imagery rescripting, and behavioral pattern breaking.

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Biography 

With 25+ years of professional experience and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years. Wendy was on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York (until the Institutes merged in 2012), where she trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989.

 

She is a founding fellow and consulting supervisor for The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Aaron T. Beck’s Institute). Wendy served as the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST) from 2010-2014 and served as the Training and Certification Coordinator for the ISST Executive Board from 2008-2010. She is currently the chair of the Schema Therapy Development Programs Sub-Committee for the ISST. Wendy Behary has co-authored several chapters and articles on Schema Therapy and Cognitive Therapy.

 

She is the author of an international bestselling book, " Disarming the Narcissist...” translated in 16 languages. The Third Edition was recently released and was selected by Oprah Daily as one of the top books on the subject of Narcissism. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and subject matter expert on narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on schema therapy for narcissism for professional readers. She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on schema therapy, narcissism, interpersonal relationships, anger, and dealing with difficult people. She receives consistent high praise for her clear and articulate teaching style and her ability to bring the therapy to life through dramatic demonstrations of client interactions in the treatment room.